Diabolical Halloween Limericks

Happy Halloween Ghouls! As it’s Halloween I made up some Diabolical Halloween Limericks on my way to work today. Be warned – they ain’t for the young or easily offended!

There once was a young handsome sprite
Whose hauntings did cause such a fright
To the women he laired
As he ‘had’ them upstairs
And they screamed and they yelled with delight!

~

There was an old man from Frome
Who would never leave his home
When his house caught afire
It was his own funeral pyre
And now as a ghost he does roam

~

Once upon a time lived a rat
Who thought she could fly like a bat
She jumped off a cliff
But fell like a brick
And now she’s just blood, piss and shit

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30th April – NaPoWriMo

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An Ode to National Poetry Writing Month

So my thirty days of poetry is up
Never before have I been so prolific and writing this stuff
I used to think poetry was a pile of shite
Something for nobbers who value modern art and all that tripe

In the past month I’ve brought you so much crap
So I’ll take a bow and give a tip of my hat
Cus’ there’s something I’ve realised during this month
There’s so many poets I’m just the billy-onth

And so many people are better than me
They don’t just write rubbish but at least I’m gutsy
I’ve told it how I see it, not more I can do
Now this is cliche goodbye, yep from me to you

So my thirty days of poetry is up
Never again will I be so prolific and writing this stuff
‘Cus I still think that poetry is pretty shite
I’ll leave it for the nobbers who value modern art and all that tripe

18th April – NaPoWriMo

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Honey with Marmite

Ever had one of those kiddy combinations
Like Honey and Marmite on toast?
Sunday greens with jelly beans
It’s a new take on the roast

I’ve never understood peanut butter and jello
It’s one of those American things
Like cornflakes in a lasagne
Or chocolate onion rings

But peanut butter and cheese on toast
Is definitely the combination I like the most
Not strawberry jam with chicken wings
Or butternut squash and cheese strings

Those funny, weird and strange concoctions
Flabbergast me with their options
So since turning thirty-one
There’s no more kiddy combinations, yes, I’m done