Tag: Humor
30th April – NaPoWriMo
An Ode to National Poetry Writing Month
So my thirty days of poetry is up
Never before have I been so prolific and writing this stuff
I used to think poetry was a pile of shite
Something for nobbers who value modern art and all that tripe
In the past month I’ve brought you so much crap
So I’ll take a bow and give a tip of my hat
Cus’ there’s something I’ve realised during this month
There’s so many poets I’m just the billy-onth
And so many people are better than me
They don’t just write rubbish but at least I’m gutsy
I’ve told it how I see it, not more I can do
Now this is cliche goodbye, yep from me to you
So my thirty days of poetry is up
Never again will I be so prolific and writing this stuff
‘Cus I still think that poetry is pretty shite
I’ll leave it for the nobbers who value modern art and all that tripe
29th April – NaPoWriMo
Monday Again
It’s Monday again but we’re almost there
So don’t drown yourself, come up for air
This poetry shite is very nearly done
And I can’t really say that it’s been much fun
I guess that you have to take it for what it is
Something for wankers covered in jizz
But on we plough theres only one more day
And then thank god it can go away!
27th April – NaPoWriMo
Sunshine
Saturday and I’m wanting some sun
To relax and drink and have fun
And act like a dick
In front of my chick
Then fall over and do her up the bum
18th April – NaPoWriMo
Honey with Marmite
Ever had one of those kiddy combinations
Like Honey and Marmite on toast?
Sunday greens with jelly beans
It’s a new take on the roast
I’ve never understood peanut butter and jello
It’s one of those American things
Like cornflakes in a lasagne
Or chocolate onion rings
But peanut butter and cheese on toast
Is definitely the combination I like the most
Not strawberry jam with chicken wings
Or butternut squash and cheese strings
Those funny, weird and strange concoctions
Flabbergast me with their options
So since turning thirty-one
There’s no more kiddy combinations, yes, I’m done
3rd April – NaPoWriMo
Not a Lot to Say
It’s day three and I’m already starting to struggle
I should have known that taking this on was asking for trouble
Lack of inspiration will leave this poem quite short
Er, so that’s all for now folks now fook off and come back tomorrow!
The Mutts Nuts ~ or ~ a beastly observation revisited
Last year I wrote a small piece about a guy who used to pass me every day walking a dog with humongous bollocks (read it here). One day I was shocked to notice that the proud pooch was missing a vital part of his manhood and looked miserable with it. I went on to suggest creating a line of fake balls for dogs who face the snip and since then I’m pleased to say I’ve done absolutely nothing about manifesting this cash cow into a viable business plan.
Continue reading “The Mutts Nuts ~ or ~ a beastly observation revisited”
Sixty Second Sermon: Charity, Corner Shops and Low Carb Energy Drinks
I was in a newsagent earlier today buying an overpriced can of Monster Energy drink for the recession busting sum of £1.99, I know it’s pricey but it’s the only place for miles that sells the Low-Carb version and I needed my energy hit for the day. Handing over a £2 coin I asked the shop attendant to stick the 1p change in the charity box when a spritely old boy behind me pipes up “look after the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves, you don’t want to be giving them away son”. Continue reading “Sixty Second Sermon: Charity, Corner Shops and Low Carb Energy Drinks”
It’s Physics Jim But Not As We Know It? ~ or ~ the Higgs Boson as a layman understands it
Well there was a spectacular misfire today as all the hype surrounding the announcement by CERN, expected by many to offer clear evidence of the discovery of the Higgs Boson ended up being a bit of a damp fuse. But why all the fuss and what is the Higgs Boson anyway? Continue reading “It’s Physics Jim But Not As We Know It? ~ or ~ the Higgs Boson as a layman understands it”
