Ask Dazzle Rebel: October 2011

Welcome to the October edition of Ask Dazzle Rebel. This being Halloween I thought I’d include some of the sickest questions I’ve been asked to date (I’ve saved the worst until last).  Anyway enjoy…

Name: Adam Burrows

Location: Renfrew

Q: Why do we celebrate Halloween and not All Saints Day?

A: As you may already be aware the word “Halloween” is derived from “All Hallows Eve” which is the day before “All Hallows Day” (aka All Saints Day, Solemnity of All Saints or Hallowmas).  Saying that we don’t celebrate All Saints Day is not true, indeed if you are a Roman Catholic 1st November is an important date in your calendar.  If you look at the question slightly differently and asked “why isn’t All Saints Day (1st Nov) not celebrated as All Hallows Eve (31st Oct)” then that is a question that requires a bit more thought.

Some might suggest that it’s human nature to be drawn to the darker, more ghoulish side of life, which is therefore why the celebration of Halloween has spread.  Others may say that the Devil is at his strongest on 31st October and this draws out all the Satan worshipers and evil souls.  However while the strength of those arguments can be debated I think I have the winning answer, which is Halloween, is just so much more fun.  Think about it, how many of you would spend the day in a place of worship, surrounded my boring farts singing hymns when you could be at home in a sugar coma from all the treats you bagged the previous night?  The good folk have Christmas, Easter and plenty of other saints days so when the one holiday that celebrates the dark, depraved and much more fun side of life comes around there’s no contest to what I’d choose.

Name: Lexi

Location: Lavia

Q: When will you play concerts?

A: Hi Lexi, the simple and honest answer is I don’t know.  Right now the first thing I need to do is get the EP out and what happens after that depends on how well it’s received and how quickly I can start working on an album.  I hope to maybe do one or two acoustic shows some time next year but I don’t really know.  The long-term goals for 2012 is to record and release an album then get a band together to perform a number of shows.  Fingers crossed all goes to plan.

Name: CraigNess

Location: Underworld

Q: Why don’t vampires have a reflection?

A: Vampires are mythical creatures that don’t really exist. So therefore if they don’t exist they can’t cast a reflection.

Name: Murloe

Location: Italy

Q: Who are your favourite band?

A: I don’t have a favourite band, not one band that stands head and shoulders above the rest anyway.  I do however love Queen, Guns N’ Roses, Pink Floyd, Thin Lizzy, Led Zep, Rolling Stones, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, The Clash, The Stranglers, The Kinks, The Animals, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Black Label Society, Megadeth, 3 Colours Red, Mansun, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Jimi Hendrix, AC/DC. Alice Cooper, Bad Company, Beautiful Creatures, America, The Eagles, Loving Spoonful, Buckcherry, Clutch, Crystal Pistol, Dire Straits, Deep Purple, Demolition 23, Fleetwood Mac, Foo Fighters, Free, Great White, Hawkwind, Jefferson Airplane, Journey, Foreigner, Kid Rock, Kiss, Lostprophets, Orange Goblin, Pantera, Skindred, Smashing Pumpkins, Supertramp, The Carpenters, Therapy?, Van Halen, Velvet Revolver, Warren Zevon, ZZ Top, New Generation Superstars, Brides of Destruction and that’s just scratching the surface mate.

Name: Flidski Lidski

Location: Norwich, UK

Q: Why don’t you shut up?

A: Because I don’t want to you f-ing prick! If you don’t like what I’ve got to say then don’t f-ing listen!

Name: Inland Revenue

Location: UK

Q: What do you do for a living?

A: Bugger off mister taxman you tax me enough already.

Name: Helen

Location: Wales

Q: Was it you that was dressed as a skeleton in Aberystwyth at a Halloween festival in 2006?

A: Yes it was I Helen, well, I painted my face at least.  The other Rebels were a bit boring that night as far as dressing up goes.  It was a good night, blimey I am surprised you remember that!  That was a great shindig, brilliant location, weird mysterious horse-drawn gypsy caravans that had gone by the time we woke up in the morning, the haunted mansion, the hog roast but most memorable of all was the power cuts that kept knocking the stage lights out!  The rest of the band spent the night in the haunted mansion but I managed to get out of sleeping on the floor because me and the missus got a hotel.


Location: www

Q:  What diseases am I likely to get if I have sex with a dead person?

A:  While I have no firsthand experience of this SexPest69 I would advise you against necrophilia because there are all sorts of nasty bugs loitering around dead bodies.  For a start it depends what state of decomposition the corpse is in.  If it’s quite fresh, say a few hours dead then rigor mortis would still be setting in and some nerves may not quite be dead yet.  It is quite common for dead corpses to fart and make other strange noises and movements while gases and liquid escape from the body.   You are likely to pick up any sexually transmitted disease that the person may have had while they were still alive, so I’d sock up if I were you.  If the corpse is in an advanced state of decay then apart from getting very messy there is a vast range of diseases you can pick up, not to mention nips and bites from any critters that are living off the rotting flesh.  My best advice would be don’t have sex with a dead corpse because not only is it very, very wrong and against the law in most countries but you could be giving yourself a whole host of health problems, not to mention how it’d screw with your head you sick, depraved mother-corpse-porker!

That’s all for this Halloween edition of Ask Dazzle Rebel.  If you have anything to ask for the November edition ask your questions now by filling in this form: Ask Dazzle Rebel Form