Morton’s Fork(ing) Split-Second Dilemma


Most of us have had at least one experience of making a split-second decision where whatever action we take the result is going to be bad. It could be anything; deciding to hit an animal crossing the road or swerving into oncoming traffic, deciding to catch a lit cigarette or letting it fall and burn the carpet, ditching your motorbike on a tight bend or end up in a tree…
…or deciding to try and catch mobile phone from falling in the toilet or kneeing it into the wall.
Yes the last choice was really only directed at guys. I’m sure we’ve all been there right gents? You’re standing up taking a leak, texting or reading an email when whoops, you loose your grip. In a split-second the brain reacts and for most of us the brain chooses to futilely try and catch it or otherwise try and divert it from the inevitable plunge into rancid water. Sometimes it can’t be helped, no matter how many times you fumble trying to volley it to the relative safety of the floor/wall/sink it will end up in the drink anyway – only in several more pieces or with a cracked screen. Sometimes you might be lucky and escape with a cracked screen and a few scratches but most of the time, most of us will at least attempt to do something to prevent a dip into the murky water.
Most of us? Yep, the other day I was taking a leak in a public toilet when from the cubical behind me came the sound of what I first thought was a heavy turd dropping into the bog followed by a sigh of relief. That was until about a minute later a guy emerged with his sleeve rolled up and a “shit happens” expression on his face, in his hand was his sodden iPhone. His two mates were washing their hands and burst out laughing.
“How the f*** did you manage that?” one of them asked his pal.
“You f***ing plonker!” added the second.
The sodden iPhone guy just looked at his mates and shook his head.
“Didn’t you try and catch it?” asked the first bloke. This is what the iPhone guy replied:
“Well I was texting that bird from the other night when it just slipped out my hand. As soon as I felt my grip going I knew what was going to happen so I just let it”.
At this point his mates absolutely howled with laughter and as an observer in close proximity I was doing my best to contain myself too. Then came the tirades from his mates before the guy took his phone to the air-dryer in a vain attempt to dry it out.
Up until this happened I honestly thought that we’d all make the same decisions in split-second dilemmas, after all it’s pure survival instinct isn’t it? But this event has brought this hypothesis into question. Faced with annihilating a small mammal or swerving into a 30-tonne truck I would have thought we’d all decide to stay on course and hope the poor animal has a speedy journey into the afterlife.  Now I’m not so sure?
This funny event in public toilets has now made me question my understanding of whom we are. Crazy isn’t it? I suppose now the only thing left to ask is; what would you do?

Dazzle Rebel

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