You could be forgiven for expecting a blog about the awesome HBO series “Game of Thrones” but alas you will not find that here. Oh no. This little ditty is actually about our toilet habits. Now when I say “we” I mean men and when I say “habits” I don’t mean our lack of aim or what we get up to with a dirty mag, I mean the things we do to fill the time whilst sitting on the throne.
But of course before we can get to sit in the one place in the home we have almost complete solitude we invariably have to battle with wives/girlfriends/ sisters/female house mates for the privilege of 10-15 mins of peace and quiet. It can be a difficult task first thing in the morning vying for space in the water closet. Especially if you have a teenage girl resident in your home. If by some miracle you actually make it to the lavatory first then I have a surefire trick you can play that will mean your 10 minutes of you’re time is undisturbed. All you need is an mp3 player (or for you older gents a personal cd or tape player), a set of portable speakers and a recording you made the morning after your last dodgy Ruby Murray, complete with splattered sound effects and much groaning. 60% of the time it works every time.
Once we have the place to ourselves what do we do with our ten minutes of grace? Well some may attempt the Times crossword, others may read a magazine, while some lads might catch up on some YouTube virals. But a select few will actually use the time wisely and with some light meditation slip themselves into a loodoo trance.
It’s in this state that man can ponder life’s big questions; “what lies beyond our universe”, “how did life really come to be” and “how much stationary can I get away with stealing from work before I’m caught and why do I want a box full of paperclips anyway”?
It is this breed of hero that made civilization what it is today. Men who dared think outside the box while sitting predominantly in one. Men who build hulking machines to labour away building other machines which labour away building other machines that in turn build other machines. Men who fly to the Moon just to see what’s there. Men who split atoms and then split hairs over a ploughmans lunch. Men who dare to dream. For these men those 10 minutes of pondering can solve a complex algorithm or spark an idea that will create a masterpiece. These men need no philosophy degree, just a throne, a pen and some toilet paper.